


The Risks of Keeping Secrets

by sunsxleil



Series: Merry Christmas, I Love You [2]
Category: Carol (2015)
Genre: Christmas, F/F, Jealousy, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:00:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27839506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsxleil/pseuds/sunsxleil
Summary: Since the start of the holiday season, Therese had noticed Carol coming home later, looking more windswept, and seeming a lot more aloof. It's only been a year since The Oak Room, so some wounds are still somewhat fresh. And, even with reassurance from trusted friends, Therese still finds herself forming suspicions every time Carol comes home like that. She didn't plan on properly confronting Carol about it on Christmas Day of all days, though, until she finds something in Carol's coat pockets.
Relationships: Carol Aird/Therese Belivet
Series: Merry Christmas, I Love You [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2035672
Comments: 5
Kudos: 69





	The Risks of Keeping Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> It's Carol season, one and all! I tried something new, so here's to hoping it goes well! If it doesn't, well—at least I know I can't write this kind of story in under two hours. I tried my best from the prompt I got, anyway.
> 
> Prompt (which is not in the summary) from a little Google search where [this list](https://oneshotsandheadcanons.tumblr.com/post/167716040859/christmas-prompts) popped up. Hope you guys enjoy it!

Therese finds it when Carol asks her to get the lighter in the pocket of one of her coats.

Sure, it might not be as big of a deal as Therese is making it out to be, but as of late, Carol had been coming home later: arriving with unkempt hair, and always with a tinge in her cheeks and a bright look in her eyes. Any of her friends— _their_ friends, even—could tell her it’s impossible; Carol couldn’t just waltz into another department store and flirt with the next twenty-something she spots on the counter, not when she already has _one_ woman to come home to.

Still, Therese worries. And _this_ just confirms her suspicions.

Tucking it back into its pocket, Therese grabs the lighter from Carol’s other coat pocket and pads out of their bedroom into the large apartment. Carol’s humming in the kitchen, adding some herbs and spices into the pasta while it simmers on the stove. It can’t be. It just _can’t_. But Therese looks at Carol from across the living room past the doorway of the kitchen, and that couldn’t be her Carol. This Carol looks… different somehow. As if in another plane of reality, far from her reach, flung out of her space.

Therese wonders if she prefers having found out on Christmas or after. Either way, it seems like Carol was planning to break it off before New Year’s anyway.

“I got your lighter.” Therese says. Carol still hums away in the kitchen. Oh, how Therese wants to force her into a corner. _Be honest_ , Therese wants to scream. _Tell me if there’s someone else_. But Carol is her own person and Therese couldn’t possibly do such a thing—no, if Carol were unhappy with her, and would prefer the company of someone else, another woman… Then,

Therese hopes she’s at least worth an explanation. Not another morning waking up to an empty bed.

“Hm? Bring it over here.” So Therese follows, walking across the living room and perching herself beneath the arch before the kitchen. She’s almost compelled to play with the lighter; instead, she crosses her arms and stares at Carol.

Carol’s still smiling in that charming way she does. Therese wouldn’t be surprised if another woman fell for Carol’s charms, because who would not? Carol is beautiful, majestic as a model, and all it takes is one smile or smirk or one damned wink and people would fall over each other just to please her.

Then that smile fades when Carol does a double take on her. Carol frowns, her brow furrows. “What’s wrong, dear?”

What’s wrong? “You’re always coming home late.”

Carol sighs, brushes her hair once, twice, thrice on each side, and takes a seat by the counter.

“I told you, work runs late on the holidays.”

“But you always look so… windblown.” Therese says, and she has half a mind to set the lighter on the kitchen table lest she do something stupid with it. “And I know your hair doesn’t get that messed up when you have the windows down.”

At that, Carol shuts her eyes closed and rubs at her brows. They’ve had this conversation at least half a dozen times by now, and every time, Therese is less and less convinced.

“Why can’t you ever go straight to where you’re getting at?”

“Then explain yourself to me.” And Therese leans on the chair’s backrest, so that she’s hovering over Carol staring up at her from the seat. Those gray eyes bear storms— _not tonight_ , they say, as if having this conversation any other night would’ve gone better. Might as well get it over with. Especially if Carol really is cheating on her. “You’re always home late. You come home and your hair is a mess. You always look like you’ve gone for a run when I know very well you prefer driving.”

“Maybe I’ve tried taking more walks now.” And there’s that twitch at the corner of Carol’s eye. ‘ _Leave it,_ ’ but Therese won’t. Not anymore. “I’ll take you with me one of these days if you like.” Carol says it with venom, and the blood rushes into Therese’s ears.

“You don’t even like taking walks!” Therese pushes herself away, pacing. “You only like them when you’re with me!”

“Maybe the habit’s grown on me.” And Carol says it with a raised chin. Mocking, obviously mocking Therese. “Who’s to say I wouldn’t eventually like the things you like?”

“But it’s more than that! It’s—”

Carol raises her brow. “What? What could it possibly be for an outburst like this?” Carol crosses her arms and leans back in her chair. She’s one word close to tapping her foot, and only a few more exchanges before bursting. “And on Christmas of all days. One might think you _wanted_ to ruin our Christmas.”

“I’m just asking you to tell me the truth.” Therese says.

“And I’ve told you that at least a dozen times this past week alone!” Carol’s hands raise in exasperation. “Darling, can’t we talk about this tomorrow? It’s Christmas for Christ’s sake.”

If she keeps pushing, Therese knows she’ll piss Carol off. But she’d rather sleep having pissed Carol off than wake up the next day to no Carol and no explanation. And, even if Carol doesn’t leave her, Therese thinks Carol owes her a little peace of mind this Christmas. Not plaguing thoughts of is she or is she not Carol’s only woman.

So, Therese pushes.

“Are you seeing someone else?”

Therese breathes it out. Her shoulders relax, and her voice is softer than it has been these past few minutes. Carol’s eyes widen, and her mouth drops open. There is fear in those gray eyes, and Therese sees Carol’s hands almost shaking.

“What?”

“I saw the restaurant reservations.” Therese’s voice quivers, but she forces it out anyway. “And you’re always coming home looking freshly… _fucked_. And you always look like you’re anywhere else but with me.”

“Oh sweetheart,” Carol says, stops herself, then stands up in one graceful move. She closes the gap between them and holds Therese by her waist—as if afraid _she’ll_ run away. “There is no one else. I can assure you that.”

“Then explain the dinner reservation in your coat pocket.” A tear escapes Therese’s eye, and she rubs at the track it leaves. Not even to erase the path it leaves, more to feel the burn in her cheeks.

Carol’s eyes are wide, and Therese thinks, here it comes. But Carol doesn’t look guilty, not one bit. It might be pity, if Therese forces it to be, but it looked more like…

Carol sighs. Therese thinks those gray eyes look so sad, and wonders what else could it be if not an apology for seeing someone else. “It was supposed to be a surprise for you. On New Year.”

… What?

Therese sniffles. She peers into Carol’s eyes, brows furrowed, trying to decode the look in Carol’s face. “What do you mean?”

Carol shakes her head, and raises a palm to cup Therese’s cheek. Carol wipes at the tear stains, only for a couple of more tears to fall after. “You might not believe me if I say so, but I’ve been planning a New Year’s for us,” and Carol looks at her with those hopeful eyes, those _faraway eyes_ , that up to this moment, Therese had thought to be imagining another life. Apparently, it was an immediate future. “I even bought you a dress and everything. And for me as well.”

Therese opens her mouth, and all that follows is another tear that Carol wipes away. “Why?” Why couldn’t Carol just say so? Why did she have to look so detached? Why did Therese think Carol could be cheating on her, when even Abby had laughed out loud on the phone when she had asked if that was possible?

 _Oh_. So _that_ was why Abby laughed at her.

“I like spoiling my little angel.” Carol kisses her then, and Therese wonders if all lovers have misunderstandings like this, and if it is always resolved with one kiss that says more than an apology ever could. “I thought you’d like something a little more than you usually get.”

Therese tries to glare at Carol, and she gets a watery laugh back. “Don’t do that again.”

“I won’t.” Carol nuzzles her nose, and Therese sighs. The image of Carol fucking another brown-haired twenty-something in the back room of a theater suddenly vanishes from her mind. And if anything, Therese thinks _she’d_ be the brown-haired twenty-something Carol would want to fuck in the back room of a theater. Carol’s teased her in the car before.

“Well, I’m looking forward to the surprise.”

Carol winks at her, and kisses her one more time. Therese thinks she tastes salt on her tongue, and when they part, she sees Carol blinking away her tears. “Christmas first, darling.” She laughs. “Oh fuck, who knew I’d be so bad at surprises.”

They laugh, and Therese finds her hands wrapping around Carol’s waist as they dance to no song in particular, the pasta bubbling away on the stove, and Christmas ticking by as it does.

**Author's Note:**

> The prompt was: "Well done, you just ruined Christmas."
> 
> All mistakes are mine, and I don't own the characters, Patricia Highsmith does. Anyway, I wish everyone a happy Carol season, and happy Carolmas! Treat yourselves to watching Carol at least once this month. And stay safe, everyone!
> 
> Also, this is my first venture into a jealousy fic. I'm pretty sure I made some mistakes here and there. So please help me in the comments so I can write it better the next time around 😫😫


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